I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
