why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
