Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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