So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
