Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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