How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
