I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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