The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You dont lie about slip and slides
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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