Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
