i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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