Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
