I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
