I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
