Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
