Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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