Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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