I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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