FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
