i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
