Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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