Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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