I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
