There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
