Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
