I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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