naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
