All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
