i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
