i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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