Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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