Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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