It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
