why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
