I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
