He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
