what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
