you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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