i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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