I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
