I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
