I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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