she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
