I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
