so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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