Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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