Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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