you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
