can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
