so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
