it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
