I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
