I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
