hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
