i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
